i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
