good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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