cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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