I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
