ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
