before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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