I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
