It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
