The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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