just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
