I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
