I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
