Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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