Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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