Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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