Someone shit on the floor
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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