I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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