so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
