You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
