hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
