I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
