Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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