I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
