Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
