I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
