I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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