i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
