I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
