Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she peed on how many people?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
