I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
