Pappa wants mamma naked
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
