dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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