seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
