Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
