remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Small penises have feelings too.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
