I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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