Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
