I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
