Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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