i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
