i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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