I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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