lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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