So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
