Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
