I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
