I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
