dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
