Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
