if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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