I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
