apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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