She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
