i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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