Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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